Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: Baby Elephants, bad hair life, Barf, Big Girl, color blind, fupa, San Francisco
You know most Asian girls actually look fantastic from behind. Super petite, normally wearing Sailor Moon inspired school girl outfits walking all funny due to their late night with some sort of tentacle monster…it’s not till the turn around your penis grows two eye brows and raises one while lowing the other simply to give it’s best impression of the classic Kevin Arnold confused as all hell look. But not this one, this one is 360 degrees of what the fuck, so much so…she inspired me to make a brief comeback to the world of blogging.
Spotted in San Francisco by my dear friend I will code name Binary is this gem. First off, your spotted pant like clothing and blush should not match, its like one of the dots on your pants just had enough of your nether regions and somehow found the courage to escape the clutches and fat rolls of your evil fupa and ran up to your face.…the dot must be scared shitless, and I highly advice you all prey for the lone pink dot able to escape this woman’s pants. Speaking of her pants, how they hell are they staying up exactly? There is no drawstring, elastic or anything that remotely looks capable of defying the laws of physics and gravity this woman is subjecting her pants to. This might just be a bigger find then that arsenic based life form Astronomers R Us just found (I refuse to call it NASA so long as they are not traveling to Space).
However I must commend this walking, talking easter egg for at least matching her eye make up, which looks like it was accidentally applied to her face whilst raping a ballerina from the Nutcracker, for matching her blue eye/lower-forehead shadow to her socks. Then again, when you are wearing 4 pairs of different colored socks, it’s pretty easy to make one of them match right?
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: bad hair life, color blind, custom douche baggery, douche stride, Ed Hardy, Hi-C, popsicle douche, Prague, Rocket pops
From one of our readers in Prague, this little gem of a submission came to us marked, “even down to the stride.”
Ed Hardy must have been hungry when he designed this Rocket Pop rip-off. It’s such a shocking resemblance that tourists are taking pictures as he walks by. You can even see the kid’s disappointment when mommy tells her she can’t take a bite off of him. It does make me wonder when waffles cone jeans with nuts on top are coming back into fashion. I mean, I haven’t been able to show off my nuts since I was two years old escaping from mom in the bathroom and ruining Christmas for everyone but my creepy neighbor dropping off a Fruit Cake (later – sadly – that became our neighbor’s alias on the news.)
All the way “down to the stride?” All the way from his beveled bald head down to the stick up his ass is more like it. Yeah, I see you flinching. And no, it’s not in a good way. I would tell this guy to cover up to avoid embarrassment – but then I’m forced to write a post about a fat, bald Ed Hardy Spiderman – and nobody wants to read that.
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: Baby Elephants, boy band bad boy, Bukake, buying high school girls alcohol, class of 2010, custom douche baggery, Fake, Homosexual sex, Match made in hell, oreo
Wow, is this what high school parties have become? Suddenly my fantasy of buying liquor for a bunch of female seniors in high school just lost a lot of it’s appeal….but not all of it sexy ladies of the class of 2010 (call me). This is why ALL high schools and hell, even community colleges should have uniforms; obviously they can’t dress themselves properly. The brother (the one on the left for all your white readers) looks like a rapper who just blew their entire advance in the fashion district of downtown LA and most likely overpaid some painters wife to buy her husbands old wife beater. Seriously, does any one think white paint marks on clothes looks cool…cause to me, it just looks like the last few frames of a bukake shoot. And what’s with the hat, it looks like a classically trained sombrero designer went blind and started decorating trucker caps. I am sure the kid on the right must feel pretty badass wearing a studded belt and pointing with a black guy and all, but honestly, son…you look like the “bad boy” member of some shitty boy band. Pretty soon you’ll be losing 30 pounds just so you can have 2 minutes of screen time in M. Night Shyamalan next film where trees start seeing dead people or something. Oh and please learn to point, you look like fucking Spider-Man. But hey, I’m sure you guys feel cool in these outfits and partying with chubby Harry Potter look-alikes like the one behind you!
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: bad hair life, Ed Hardy, Gosselin, Jon and Kate, Los Angeles, Sailor Moon, Slew of nerd references and tags, StarCraft, unicorn, you totally want to bone dead hardy don't ya?, Zerg Rush
This girl baffles me, cause she’s a unicorn, yet wears obnoxious swimsuits, and has a horrible overly bleached haircut, all of which screams for attention! You don’t need blonde hair or obnoxious clothing to get anyone’s attention; you’re a FREAKING UNICORN! For those that don’t know, a unicorn is DH’s special way of saying you’re an Asian with HUGE TITS! Because Asians with huge tits are mythical and magical creatures that technically shouldn’t exist. Yet, here is one, all 32C of her wrapped in an Ed Hardy two piece that makes Truman wish he had dropped more then 2 bombs, and Nixon wishing he spread the Vietnam War into Korea, China, Japan and any other country with a significant area of rice patties. And where they hell are you? Unicorns shouldn’t be hanging out with nerdy Asian dudes that know how to plan a Zerg rush better than they know how to love down a woman. You should be hitting up a NFL running back or rap producer, not the dude who once jerked it to Sailor Moon over there! What’s really scary is this probably exactly what Jon and Kate Gosselin’s little girls will look like with Jon forcing Ed Hardy onto them, and Kate forcing her haircut. Lets hope social services sees this photo and steps in right away!
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: custom douche baggery, Fake, Las Vegas, Match made in hell, matchy matchy, public display of underwear, street fail
Really?
Seriously?
What’s sad about this is he really planned this all out…he made sure to grab his matching shoes, belt, and hat and wear them all at the same time. Little shit even sags his pants just enough so the belt is visible below his shirt, and throws any and all caution to the wind about looking like a dwarf in photos. This is what happens when douchebags learn the term “matchy matchy.” Somehow this guy took the idea of ladies matching their hand bags and shoes, and decided that not only should all of his accessories match, they should be cut from the same cloth…literally! And what’s with the hat on the belt loop? You can wear your sunglasses indoors (sadly not pictured) but a hat, oh no, a hat would just look stupid indoors, so let me just clasp it onto my belt loop like a ring of god damn janitors keys…yeah, that looks real street! You know what you should do next, get some designer knee high socks and just hang em’ on your shoulder…if you do that, maybe…just maybe you won’t be on the wrong side of the red velvet rope and they’ll let your ass into the damn club without you having to buy bottle service…just think, then you’ll be able to afford a whole outfit in that same print!
Filed under: Dead Hardy Don't, In the Wild | Tags: 'Merican, barn, do not want, flower print, Old School, textile from hell, wet nurse, Zima
Spotted in Las Vegas is this perfectly acceptable, and cute flower print dress…IF YOU’RE 9 YEARS OLD!!!! Seriously, girl, you are in SIN CITY, please leave your good girl image back at the barn. No one wants to lift up a flower print dress in the elevator at the Mandalay Bay and have a quickie. In fact the flowers just scream “This pussy saved for marriage” This might get the red necks all hot and bothered but in Vegas this dress looks like you just snuck into the casino on a dare after drinking a shot of Zima. We’ve seen the youngin’ look done right before, but this is just plain and ugly! I will at least applaud you for not wearing a bra whose straps would have been visible in the U-neck cut of the dress, but must inform you of the wonders of strapless bras, it seriously looks like you have been a wet nurse for the last 5 years, and at your age that is damn scary! Oh and please note, that if you ain’t wearing at least 3 inch heels in Vegas you shouldn’t even be allowed to stay on the strip. Seriously live it up, put on some heels, and let that nerdy ass guy you are with into you non-flower print panties sometime, why else do you think he took you to Vegas?!
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: bad hair life, Ed Hardy, fad, fad ass, fad monger, hunch back, Las Vegas, mullet, Special Ed
Vegas is the Capital of douchie fashion, the only thing that kept me from taking 100’s of photos each day was the fact that most of these douche bags are bigger than me, and travel in packs making it incredibly hard to discreetly take photos of them. But as god loves me and what I am doing, I was able to get a few for you lucky readers! Here we see a very ‘special’ Ed Hardy fan not only proudly rocking his Ed Hardy shirt, but also sporting a sweet mullet. It’s nice to know this guy is loyal to the fads he partakes in supporting them well after Aston Kutcher is no longer their unofficial spokesperson. I am sure this guy will be Twittering far longer then Anderson Cooper! The saddest thing about this guy is that no matter what jackpot he might win in Vegas…he’s still a loser. Oh, and nice back pack, we are digging the safety red here at Dead Hardy HQ, I am sure it makes it very easy for your guardians to find you in a crowd when necessary.
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: Cartoon private parts, christian audigier, Disneyland, Dong bulge, Ed Hardy, elephantitis, Fake, Mickey Mouse, raping of american culture
Do you think Christian Audigier can sue Disney for Douchebag infringement? Even more disturbing then the fact this actually exists is the fact that the bottom flower totally looks like it could be Mickey’s fucked up dong bulge. If Mickey had elephantitis of the mouse balls and penis area, his shorts would totally look like that! Who would buy this for their little kid exactly? Teachers and doctors should have to report kids dressed like to this police as a form of child abuse. And everyone at Disney should have something shoved up their ass to physically represent the butt rape they just performed on one of the most beloved characters of all time! I am not quite sure exactly what to stick up there just yet, but I’m thinking something wide, like a cell mate named Bubba wide!
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: 'Merican, Baby Elephants, bazooka t-shirts, Big Girl, gainsville, Koozy, NASCAR, Redneck dykes, sundress t-shirt, Tim Tebow
I never knew redneck dykes existed, but evidentially they do, and we got the photographic evidence to prove it! What makes this even more shameful is not only are these ladies lady like things sporting fashion best exclusively reserved for chores around the trailer park that involve cleaning up sewerage backage, they are raising what is sure to be a poorly dressed child of their own by dressing her in a oversized sundress, or as us normally people call it, a giant fucking t-shirt! Did you get that shirt for free from the t-shirt bazooka guy at the NASCAR race? Or was it on sale at Wal-Mart in the defect bin for its lack of sleeves? Oh, and speaking of sleeves, GET SOME! No one wants to see your flabby ass arms. All it does it give me night mares of just how much jiggling must go on when you are finger banging you girl (only by way of chromosomes) friend. And get your daughter/girl you kidnapped with the clever use from candy some clothes that fit, look at her chowing down at whatever hick park food you gave her…I think she took that whole “you’ll grow into it speech” as a command, not an eventuality of puberty. Oh and big girl in red, you can stop sitting up straight, when you put your bottled water in a koozy you don’t have to act prim proper, in fact, it just looks strangely ironic.
Filed under: In the Wild | Tags: fashion, FHL, Hi-C, humor, Iranian Revolution, Punk, roofie
What accessory goes best with gold chains and BMW 3-series? Well, if you ask this Persian girl, I’m sure she’ll tell you that the answer is 6’9″ skinny Ed Hardy posers. I’m choosing to throw insults at this girl because Mr. Anorexia has an excuse. The spot in his hair is either dyed white or shaved in. Either way, I assume he just got back from some sort of brain surgery – let’s say metastic brain cancer was removed – and he went directly from that to this punk rock concert. Therefore, I blame Yunana al-Rashid for her terrible taste in men. And she’s not even that bad looking. In fact, I’m sure she would have been an incredible lay if the roofie hadn’t knocked her cold mid-way through the railing that Captain Douche and his friends put on her after the show. Erase All Fears? Sure, after I erase all her memory.
Special thanks to Manny for the photo, who had his little bro kick this dude in his shins. Kids can be so adorable!
